I can't believe they're mine!!

It's the week before Mother's Day. I have already started doing a few posts that are "mother" related and all things mommy.

I used to hate Mother's Day.

It was a painful reminder to me of everything I didn't have. Everything I wasn't. Everything I so desperately wanted to be.

I stayed home from church so that I didn't have to watch other women be honored and doted on for doing such a natural and beautiful thing such as becoming a mom.

I avoided baby showers, baby dedications, pregnant women, women talking about becoming pregnant and all things baby in general. It hurt too bad and I couldn't control the tears at any given moment, so it was easier to protect myself from the pain than to put myself out there and have random people ask me if I wanted kids or, even one person asked me if I liked kids.

There are days that I remember this pain so vividly. Days when I ache for the other women I meet who are in that same struggle I was in not too long ago. My heart is more drawn to women dealing with infertility because I have lived it and I know God gives me grace and words to encourage these women and be their friend. I feel that even though I can't fix their issues - I can make the journey less lonely and mostly - I can pray.

Prayer changes everything.

I was laughing at my two little miracles today. Little Girl makes my heart sing on many days just because she is so funny and witty and she brightens my soul. Today she said two things - one was "I crack myself up!" and the second one was "well, that's just how we roll." I love this child. She is beautiful. She is sweet. She loves Jesus and loves knowing that she makes him happy with her actions. She loves her brother and she lights up our world - as does Baby Boy.

Mr. Magoo (a.k.a. baby boy) was crawling everywhere and laughing and giggling at the most mundane of things today and my heart sang with love. He is such a handsome, healthy, happy little soul and I know God has big things in store for our little guy.

I thought of two other mothers tonight. The two mothers that made me a mother. I love them dearly for the sacrifice they made to choose a better life for their children and to give them something they couldn't give. My two birth moms are some of the most courageous and amazing women I know.

I can't believe these kids are mine. All mine. I just tucked LG back in bed a minute ago because she was upset that I wasn't in the room with her. Comforting her at times can be cumbersome and also the greatest joy of my heart.

Thank you Lord for these 2 treasures in my life. Thank you for making me a mommy. Thank you for healing my heart in places i didn't know would ever heal, and be with the women this Sunday who want to stay home from church because the day is a struggle for them. Use a friend in their life to make it "less lonely" and lift their burden I pray.

You are a good God. You love us more than we could ever know. You are always faithful and right on time.