Adoptive Language 101

They have books to teach you everything these days. There is a _______ for dummies on just about any given subject. I am personally considering going on a mission to get a book written on "Adoption Language for Dummies". I bet all the adoptive mommies out there would buy them up and pass them out to everyone they know.

I decided to do some stealing (with permission of course) from my sister's blog to share her thoughts on this subject that she posted a little while back. Here it is:

"For those of you waiting to adopt, I would suggest reading the book, The Adoption Decision by Laura Christianson.

The title makes me laugh because it’s kind of like choosing to read a book called, “So You’re Thinking About Having a Baby” when you’re 9 months pregnant.

Although I’m WAY past the adoption decision, this book addresses so many of the thoughts and emotions a person goes through in making such a decision. If nothing else, it makes me feel validated through all of my ponderings and emotions. It’s also a great book if you want to understand what an adoptive parent/friend goes through during this process.

It talks about the temptation to be super mom (guilty), how to respond to questions (not always easy) and the conclusion of the personal debate over whether you’re a REAL mom (solved that a long time ago!).

Something that’s emerged over the last few decades is “positive adoption language.” Of course this comes along with the age of political correctness.

The author of this book pens so succinctly and humorously the definitions of some “hot button” words.

Here they are:

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial

Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary

Your “own” child: Any child who is yours to love

Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is loved.

So funny. So true!"

There was more to her post, but I decided to just share a snippit with you all.

I know that comments are made out of sheer ignorance, but ouch do they hurt. I believe I was asked on 4 separate occasions today (by no ill-meaning people) when I was trying to share my joy in our upcoming second adoption, "Is Little Girl "your own" or is she "adopted"?

Here was my response on each occasion - "Yes. She is my own. Yes. She is also adopted." Little Girl was standing right next to me during these questions. How would your child feel if they overheard me asking their mommy if they were "your own" child?

Not good I'm guessing.

I also got asked "Do this baby and Little girl have the same mom?"

Um. Yeah.

That would be me.

Yes, of course, I know what they are m-e-a-n-i-n-g to say, but the point is - Please don't insinuate (especially in front of my child) that I am not her mother, and please don't ask me questions that are for your own selfish curiosity, that will only cause to not only offend me, but possibly hurt my child.

I love adoption. I love my children (even the one I haven't met yet!) They are Real. They are 100% mine. And, they deserve to be treated as regular kiddos who are walking around a park with their mommy with not a care in the world other than which slide to go down next.

Mess with me and I'll probably get over it.

Mess with my kids......and there is a strong chance I'm gonna go all "momma bear" on ya.

I better go. I have got a book for dummies ill-informed people to go write.

Geesh!